One Year Later

To the Love of my life,

Look how far we’ve come in the past year, Love. We’ve experienced so much joy together, encountered crushing pain together, prayed through tear-filled, sleepless nights together, and here we are, one year after we experienced what we hope to be our greatest loss. I cannot imagine doing this life and marriage adventure with anyone but you.

You have held me, you have prayed for me when I couldn’t pray for myself, you have comforted me and spoken God’s Truth to me, you have loved me when I couldn’t love or forgive myself, and you have allowed God to use you to show me so much of His grace, goodness, and redemption. Thank you for being the man of God I prayed for all my life.

Today I am tired, Love. I am beyond tired; I am exhausted. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, staying up late to hear my me recount my sorrows the past few nights. Instead of being at work, I would rather be curled up on the couch with you, sipping hot chocolate and breathing in your scent.

I’m thankful to God for you and the two babies we’ve made together – one in heaven and one growing in my belly. You are going to be the greatest dad I know. I know this because of the way you love and cherish me. I can’t wait to see you love and cherish our little one that way.

God’s grace carried us here, and by His grace, we will carry on.

To our little one in heaven,

We miss you more than we can admit. There are days when we imagine how our lives would be different if you were here with us today. I have to stop myself from thinking about it because it shatters everything inside me. Who knew we could love someone so much without ever meeting them.

I’m deeply thankful you get to look into the face of our Savior everyday and experience His presence engulfing you. I’m thankful His face was the first thing you ever saw.

“Baby let sweet Jesus hold you, till Mom and Dad can hold you. You’ll just have heaven before we do.”

To our little one growing inside me,

We are beyond thankful for this journey we get to have everyday with you. We love reading about how you’re growing and love feeling you move. We pray that you come to know our Savior very early in life and that that relationship guides you for the rest of your life.

This pregnancy journey has been the most terrifying, yet thrilling journey we’ve been on together. We’re looking forward to loving, kissing, and holding you. We pray daily that God continues to mold us to be godly parents worthy of raising you. Please continue growing, you’re doing such a good job.

To my Heavenly Father, my Comforter, my Redeemer, my Healer,

Thank You for continually loving and forgiving me through my pain, my doubts, and my anger as I grieved. Thank You for the countless times You will forgive me yet as I continue to grieve, as I learn how to become a mom, as I grow in becoming a more godly wife. We could not have survived everything in the past year without Your presence and guidance in our lives. The sadness tends to be overwhelming at times, but may it not overlook the joy You have graciously granted us.

Thank You for life. Thank You for my husband. Thank You for my babies. May our lives continue to reflect Your glory as we pursue You first.

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