As if September 11th wasn’t already an unforgettable day because of what happened in 2001, I miscarried our baby that day. I’ll spare you the details but I’m thankful for the toilet hat and I’m thankful my husband was able to be right there next to me.
We decided to do a mini getaway after the baby passed, just for the weekend. We wanted to get away from the town, from our house, from the baby things, so we planned a trip to Wisconsin — it was far enough away but close enough in case for some reason I needed to see our doctor.
Hiyabel, my high school best friend who was the first person we told about the pregnancy, graciously paid for our hotel and E who had a cousin who lives in WI contacted him and we ended up going to his restaurant for dinner – on him. Such huge blessings.
We spent the weekend driving, taking walks, talking, remembering, crying, trying to sleep, and overall, grieving.
Over the next months, I spent a lot of time listening to music to help me grieve and searching out stories of other women and families who had miscarriages, hoping it would justify what we were going through. A few days after the miscarriage, I ordered this:
Today, April 22nd was supposed to be our due date. We are supposed to be holding a brand new baby in our arms, instead, we are left with memories and longings and ache…
The loss of our child still hurts, some days more intensely than others. I still tear up every time I think about our baby, and I hope that never changes.
That’s our miscarriage story. Thank you for reading and allowing me to share with all of you. It has been the hardest thing we have ever been through in our lives, but through it all, God has been faithful. Through our discovering we were pregnant, through the bleeding, the ultrasound, and the grief and healing journey – He is there. And looking back, I see how He was at work. One example is how we were able to get an appointment the day the bleeding was its worst. I can’t imagine experiencing that bleeding at home, still waiting for an appointment that wouldn’t take place for another two weeks. Another is how He provided people who wanted to bless us after this tragedy and allowed us to take a trip away to a place where we could grieve. Our God is faithful.
I’d be lying if I said I believed it all through this journey, because there were moments and days when I doubted Him and His plan, but He continues to prove Himself faithful, and I thank Him for that, and for His patience. And His faithfulness is part of our miscarriage story as well. That is the story we will tell.
I don’t know what our future holds, but I know that God is in charge. If I’m being honest, it terrifies and calms me all at the same time.
I look forward to the day when we can be reunited with our baby when we reach Home.
Happy due date, Baby K. Your dad and I miss you more than we can say and we wish you were here with us. I hope you’re having a grand time celebrating with our Maker.