I went back to Matt and told him that we were being called.

We walked through a set of double doors to see our nurse who greeted us jovially.

“Let’s take your weight before we go any further,” she said, genuinely happy.

I let go of Matt’s hand, stepped on the scale, she wrote down the number, and we walked down the long hallway.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked me. I started tearing up as Matt held my hand tighter. Matt answered something on my behalf as we walked into the exam room. Before she was able to start asking questions, I told the nurse that I needed to go to the bathroom and change because I felt the bleeding becoming overwhelming.

She gave me a new pad and I went around the corner to the bathroom. As soon as I sat on the toilet, I felt large clots. When I wiped, I saw some of the biggest clots I’ve ever seen in my life. I started bawling. I wiped and put the toilet paper on the floor as I scrambled to the door to call for Matt. Thankfully, a lady was passing by and I sobbed/asked her to get my husband. Both Matt and the nurse came running as I started crying hysterically and pointing at the toilet paper. The nurse told Matt to take me back to the exam room and that she would clean up the bathroom.

Matt took me back to the room and we sat down as he tried to calm me down. The nurse came in a few moments later, clearly shaken up. She comforted us and told us the midwife would be in soon with the ultrasound machine to take a look. She lovingly told us we don’t know what the clots were and not to draw any conclusions, but to just wait to see.

A few minutes later, the same lady I flagged down to get Matt came in with a machine and someone who was in training. She introduced herself as the midwife, asked us a few questions, told us what she would do, then stepped out so I could get ready. When she came back in, she did an ultrasound. Matt stood by my side and held my hand as she started the ultrasound.

“Okay, I see baby there,” she said.

Joy shot through my body as I let out a sigh of relief. I looked at Matt and back at the ultrasound. Good, I thought, the baby is still there. That’s wonderful news. Naively and in all sincerity, my thought was that the baby still being inside of me meant that the baby was still alive.

A few seconds passed as she moved the ultrasound wand around. The room was silent. I squeezed Matt’s hand as hard as I could, hoping that that would make something move on the monitor.


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