“I didn’t realize until tonight how many references to pregnancy and babies Christmas had,” I told my husband as we were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve night.
“I did,” he replied with sadness in his voice.
I think my lack of realization (and Matt’s kindness in not voicing his realization) spared me a lot of heartache during this season. Heartache was there, but it wasn’t as prominent.
It all clicked in my head as we were singing Away In A Manger earlier that night at the 11 p.m. Christmas Eve service at my dad’s church. “Be near me Lord Jesus, I ask You to stay close by me forever and love me, I pray. Bless all the dear children in Your tender care, and lead…” Neither Matt or I could finish the lyrics as tears filled our eyes and heartache stole our voices.
I was thinking about it last night and if we were still pregnant, we would be over halfway through our pregnancy and getting ready to welcome our Little One soon.
When I think short-term, I see that it’s difficult to deal with loss of a baby or a pregnancy in a season that celebrates birth and babies. But, when I look at the grand scheme of things, I see that it is because of our Savior’s birth that Matt and I have hope that we will see our Baby one day. This pain, this hollowness, this brokenness is only temporary.
And I am so thankful that God allows me to glimpse the grand scheme of things.