There’s this song I was obsessed with for a couple of months in high school. It’s called “It’s October Again” sung by the character of Haley James Scott (Bethany Joy Galeotti) on the show One Tree Hill. Some of the lyrics read:
Let me feel, I don’t care if I break down
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I cry a little, die a little, at least I know I lived just a little
I remember my teenage self singing those lyrics over and over again, wanting to feel them, wanting them to mean something real to me. Ha! If I only knew then that this would happen.
All of that to say, the title of the song rings true because it is October again.
There are times when I marvel at God’s timing. In my impatience, I scoff and think things aren’t working out, that this is all wrong, but in His grace, God allows me to see the moments when His timing was absolutely perfect. Even the days leading up to our miscarriage, God’s timing was impeccable and amid the unbearable loss, I was, I am so thankful for that. (Maybe I’ll share more on that at another time.)
But even now, I’m marveling. I’m a very sentimental person, meaning if a major event occurs, I want it symbolized in some way. September 2014 has had to be the worst month of my life to date. And I’ve been thinking of how I can redeem it in some way. Well, I discovered in the past few days that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. How perfect is that timing! This tragedy happened the month before the official month designated to bringing awareness to tragedies like it. The timing is amazing.
The official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day is October 15. I’m in the process of pouring out my thoughts, heart, and soul into words to possibly share on that day. It’s obviously going to need to be edited, but I’m thankful for the time I have to work through it.