I’m up again. I tried to turn over in my sleep and a sharp pain stabbed at my back and woke me up. I’ve been up for a while now and I can’t help but think and pray, again, “O Lord, how much longer will I have to be in pain like this?”
My first memory of having back pain was when I was in 8th grade and my dad took me to see a chiropractor. To be honest, I don’t think the chiro knew what he was doing. Anyway, at least I walked away from that appointment with a few stretches I still implement today.
My high school friends tell me they remember me complaining of back pain throughout high school but my only vivid memory of it was during my junior year when I tried to do a bicycle kick while playing soccer. (If you don’t know what that is, go look it up. It’s pretty cool.) I don’t remember if the ball went in the goal or not but I remember lying on the ground after slamming into it and not wanting anyone to touch me or make me move. I wanted to be one with the ground forever. The pain was ridiculous! Doing that kick was one of the worst decisions I have ever made. And just like that, soccer was done for me. People insisted but I knew there was no need for hospitals or doctors; I knew I had done enough damage that to continue doing sports would be the end of my mobility.
This round of back pain tstarted a little over a year ago. X-rays and an MRI were done and it showed that I had bulged discs impinging on nerves, that DDD was present, and that I had a curved spine .
This particular back pain that wakes me up In the middle of the night started about two months ago. I don’t know what this pain is caused by, maybe nerves being pressed again or DDD taking a turn for the worse, but I am so weary of it.
I’ve been to more chiropractors, more doctors, I’ve taken many muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatory steroids, pain relievers but nothing has worked. The latest step my new doctor has taken is to give me cortisone shots into the inflamed muscles in my lower right back. That was done four days ago. The day after, I was sore at the injection sights but could sit and stand comfortably. The day after that however, I was writhing in pain again. Today, well, you know.
I’m weary, to be honest. It’s discouraging to not have things work to keep me free from pain. It makes me bitter that modern medicine is failing me and I feel like all I’ve known for the past year is pain. And I pray often that God will take it away cause I’m so tired.
But I also try to keep the perspective that everything is working out for the glory of God. It’s difficult to see this sometimes when it’s 3 am and I’m not able to sleep, but I try.
[Many] times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses … in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12.8-10
We’ll see what the next step is. If you think of it, please say a prayer for me. Thanks.