Sometimes life is good, like REALLY good. Other times, it’s not. It’s still good but not as good. Are you following me?
Currently I’m experiencing one of those not as good times. You see, I’ve been struggling with back pains for many, many years now but it’s always been on-again, off-again. I remember the first time I went to a chiropractor was when I was in eighth grade. I thought the idea of going to a chiropractor at such a young age was strange back then and I still think it’s strange now. Honestly, I think those few sessions did more damage than good. However, I did walk away with useful back stretches that I continue to do up to today.
As of late, I’ve been struggling with intense, chronic, makes-me-double-over-in-tears kind of back pain. After a full week of no relief despite the stretching and relaxing, I caved and went to the doctor. After she poked and prodded, tested of the reflexes in my knees and asked me to move my body in ways I told her I could not because of the pain, she prescribed some muscle relaxers and some pain killers. Finally. We were all on the way to relief – those around me would no longer hear me whining and complaining of pain, I would get relief – we were all going to win, people!
Or so we thought.
This is the third week and it seems the pain has only intensified. The medication prescribed, sadly, has no lasting effect on my pain but has, however, induced emotions of all sorts which occur at any given moment. The typical result is me bawling. Yes, literally bawling, like tears streaming down my face and me screaming in pain, bawling. This usually takes place after a back spasm has occurred. I have never cried so publicly or so shamelessly as many times as I have in the past week. In addition, anywhere from 1 to 4 times in a night, I can wake up crying because a natural thing such as rolling over to make oneself more comfortable is an idiotic idea because it sets off spasms that start in my back and expand all the way down and back up my legs. I usually scold myself out loud each time this happens. I wonder what my roommates think about this.
On a lighter note, the side effects of me being on the medication, though mortifying for me (from what I’m told about my actions because I don’t remember a lot of them), are hilarious to those around me. This is a price I’m willing to pay in gratitude for their patience and love towards me during this time.
To be honest, right at this moment, things seem okay because my back isn’t rebelling against me, yelling, “I hate you, I hate you!” The position I’m lying in, my upper body propped up with three pillows and my lower body sleeping on a heating pad (which threatens to electrocute me each time I turn it on), is as comfortable as I’ve been all day. And for this relief, I am grateful. I will enjoy it.
Each medical person I’ve come across has been extremely compassionate to me and all affirm the statement that when the back hurts, the whole body hurts.
Two things will happen in two days. 1) In the morning, I will return to the doctor’s office to receive results of the two tests I had completed for my back, and 2) in the evening I will attend my first real-life concert – Carrie Underwood’s Blown Away tour! (Eeeeeep!) I look forward to blogging about both! Until then, you can please pray for me. I’m looking forward to getting back to the really good parts in life again. It will get there, I believe it.