Today I had what I call a “vegg-out” (pronounced vej-out) day. Basically, I laid around in sweats, ate tons of junk food not conducive to anyone’s health, and watched movies. The past few days have consisted of vacation time, adventures, meeting and being around people, food (it was Thanksgiving this past Thursday so there was a lot of food), and today’s vegg-ing out was the icing on the cake, or however that saying goes. It’s been a really good few days.
Hmmm, the topic of guilt has been on my mind for about two weeks now and I’d like to share it. As I was swallowing junk food today a sense of guilt overcame me. It wasn’t the I-shouldn’t-of-eaten-that-because-now-I’m-gonna-have-to-work-out kind of guilt, it was the I-have-food-and-others-don’t kind of guilt. I have food and others don’t. But not only do I have food, I have junk food. It disgusted me. I spend money on things that will aid in my taste buds’ pleasure when others can’t afford to purchase staple items to help them live.
On Thanksgiving night, I had the opportunity to experience what it was like to be a legitimate Black Friday shopper. We arrived at the store five hours before it opened and stood in line. (I can say that it was definitely the craziest thing I’ve done in my life, but in a good way. What made it even more awesome was the fact that we were second in line!) As the evening progressed, we gathered blankets, then sleeping bags to stay warm; The wind was ridiculous and the cold was piercing. As I sat with the sleeping bag pulled over my head I kept thanking God over and over that this was not how I had to live on a daily basis, that in a few hours I could get up, walk away, and walk into a warm house. I wanted to blog about my experience after I got home from this but decided to wait it out, to let the experience take its full effect. I laid in bed later that night under three blankets and felt warm, and guilty. I felt guilty for having a bed and blankets. I had three blankets. That disgusted me too.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so very, very thankful for these blessings. I was so, and still am, thankful that I sleep in a bed at night, a warm bed. And I’m also thankful that I have food. God knows I’m thankful. I guess my guilt stems from the fact that I wish others would have these same blessings too. I’m talking about those people on my heart from my home country who don’t have these luxuries that I do. And yes, a bed with blankets is a luxury, so is food.
Like you, I could start a never-ending list of all of the things and people I am thankful for, but around Thanksgiving time, it seems forced. Why dedicate one day to be especially thankful when that should take place all the time, right? We’ve all heard that question before. I crinkle my nose as I think about that.
To be honest, I don’t know how to end this post. (By the way, from what I’ve learned about blogging, you’re never supposed to admit that in a post. Oops.) I do appreciate moments of self-awareness though and these events have helped with that. These are thoughts. … I still don’t know how to end this post so I just will.
P.S . – Be genuinely thankful. There is always, always something to be thankful for.