Post Decision.

I turned on the shower to let the water become warm and I almost teared up.

I’m going to miss that water and that shower. Obviously there are going to be other showers and plenty of water wherever’s next but it still made me sad.

I’m already missing things. I started missing things 15 minutes after I received the news. Now I’m a muddle of emotions, although a lot better than I was. I’m saddened and selfishly desiring my own: My own apartment, my own room, my own shower. I have not had a roommate in four years. Four. Years. I don’t know how to live with another person anymore! I’m sure I’ll learn again if needed but — four years!

I crave time with those important people in my life. I crave to be in their presence. I crave more time in general. Hours are sweeping by quickly now. I crave a phone with my most dialed extensions written on it. I crave two white boards hanging behind me, a mini fridge five feet away, and eight boxes full of organized-into-small-yellow-envelopes keys. I crave phone calls past midnight summoning me to attend to an ambulance crew, a key chain with 19 different keys that gave me access to a general master (which basically gave me a lot of power), and the face mask, latex gloves, and the quat stat spray from the PEP kit. I crave being forced to think on my feet, I crave wearing dress pants and high heels, and a tag with two different departments listed under my name.

But this is me being selfish.

The more I dwell on the things I crave the less I’m able to move forward. There has to be a balance of some sort. .. Let me know if you find it.

Updates have been made where appropriate – adjustments to statuses if you will. Forwarding addresses have been submitted, interviews are set up – it’s all becoming real. Oooh, but yikes, I’m still in denial. Hmm, I think I will be for a while.

As to what’s next, options are being presented and thoroughly dissected. Boxes will arrive soon. Piles will be created: “to keep;” “to toss;” “to donate.” Long nights of thinking, and sometimes crying, are inevitable.

Truth of the matter is I got an answer. One year, two months, and five long days later, I finally got an answer. Praise the Lord! Although the answer was not what I expected, the fact that I got an answer in itself is a reason for celebrating! And I’m re-realizing how blessed I am with stable minded people around me who help me think and others who offer to help out with anything.

Indeed, it is well with my soul.

Next few weeks are crucial and they will be difficult, I admit it, and I might post some snarky, frustrating thoughts but know that it is well with my soul.

Oh, and please, don’t hesitate to remind me of this if I forget. And tell me to calm down too if that happens.


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