I try to be an optimistic person. I wouldn’t say I’m the best at it but I’m definitely 100% better than I was mere months ago, ask those around me. In the past few days though, I definitely fell short of this goal.
The pace at work has once again picked up. We are in the second to last week of school and in the last week of classes. Next week the students have finals and then the school year is over. Throughout campus you can feel the work load getting heavier for all departments. How does my department’s load feel? Heavy. Like woah, heavy. The past two weeks were spent preparing for housing sign ups. Inventories of open rooms needed to be done, theme house applications were sent out and submitted, presentations took place, themes were accepted, and official acceptance letters needed to be sent out. Posters needed to be hung up and then we had the official night of housing sign-ups where we spent four hours working with students, doing our best to place them in their preferred rooms. Over the weekend we had a meeting with new RAs for this next year informing them of what was to come, then we had an end-of-the-year picnic with current RAs before we all went to clean up trash on the 2-mile strip of highway 9 that the school adopted. This week has been spent accommodating those who neglected to come to the designated day to sign up for their housing next fall. Next week we will be doing numerous check-outs on an hourly basis as all residents leave to go home for the summer — that’s a lot of check-outs. My co-workers and I predict that we will be pulling close to eighteen hour days. Wear comfortable shoes next week? Check.
In between all of that I am communicating with unsatisfied residents who insist that the school is ripping them off by charging them for everything. Do other schools not have charges when keys are lost? Or when damage is done to the room? Please, insight me. What happens at your school when you lose your key? I bet they don’t respond with, “by golly, here you go, here’s a free key for you, lucky we had one!” If you attend a school like that, let me know so I can recommend it to these students. Here, we charge $1.00 to unlock a student’s door when they’ve locked themselves out. My sister’s school charges $20.00. I personally think they have it good here. They unfortunately do not share my opinion. I don’t know how to fix that though. Maybe they’ll see at the next school they attend, because a lot of them are apparently going to transfer, how it will be the same, if not worse than here. All the best to them, I say.
Then there’s visa stuff that’s frustrating due to lack of communication, and grad school applications that cannot be completed due to mistakes on other people’s parts, and doctor stuff and, ..it all just built up. The past few days I’d go into hysterics at work where I sat at my desk laughing at everything because apparently a pen falling to the floor was hilarious. Then I’d crash and become sad because I had to kill a fly.
I’d send numerous texts and Facebook messages telling close friends how I felt and the ridiculousness of everything taking place in my life; how horrendous it all was. (Those who I text and message, thank you for your patience and attempts at calming me.) I spent great amounts of time thinking about work and friends and how being separated from those I love could easily happen with a simple no. And I thought about illnesses and how healing is so wanted. I thought about how I’ve been so easily irritated, not thinking through some of my reactions. Needless to say many a people saw my mean eyes. (By the way, I realize and stand by the concept that just because I’m having a crap day does not mean I deserve to treat people rudely.)
It all led to last night. Oh, last night. Getting ready for bed was unpleasant. The brushing of the teeth and washing of the face was irritating. Who wanted clean teeth and an oil-free face anyway? Focusing on flossing proved extremely difficult. I finally gave up, left my bathroom, sat at the foot of my bed on the floor and just wept. Wept for no reason and wept for real reasons. Wept for real hurt and wept for unjustified anger. Wept because I didn’t know what else to do. As I fought with the lack of desire for sleep I softly sang several songs knowing that Truth being spoken into my mind and life was what I needed.
I thought that would be the end of the bad time for me, I thought crying intensely like that was what I needed to get the pessimism out of my system but I was wrong. I found myself crying again today as I sat in my office, 1 1/2 hours past work being over. I was not receiving the communication that I wanted and needed, the scanner was not working, my computer was freezing and I was overwhelmed with the idea of having to overcome stage fright by myself.
I wish I could end this post on a positive note, telling you that I am past that stage but I am currently sitting in bed still thinking about it all. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I want the pessimism to still be here so I have a reason to be irritated at the things going astray, I don’t know. I do know that I have to figure things out though because I cannot be like this come next week.